Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's Not Fair At All

I don’t see how it’s fair that my family gets to dictate what I can do in my life. They’re the ones that all ganged up on me, as some sort of intervention against me going to Adelaide for work placement. Their reasoning was to say I wasn’t mature enough, I’d have no way in be financially okay without help, I’d be over worked by my work placement people, I’d be a nuisance to my auntie, I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself, I just have no common sense or good judgement on things like this. I hated hearing it, even if there’s some truth in what they said. It really tore me down and sliced up all the trust I had in them, and all the times I felt I could go and talk to them about this.
Now they got what they wanted. I’m staying in Melbourne and they expect me to be happy about it. I’m not saying I hate Melbourne or anything. I love living in Melbourne, but I also love living in Adelaide too. I don’t care if they believe it’s like I’m taking a step backwards for wanting to go to Adelaide. I don’t care if they thought the only reason why I want to go is because of a boy. I don’t care. I saw this opportunity, made it happen and I took it. You wouldn’t believe how excited I was when I found out that these kind hearted people were willing to take me on as a work placement student. As soon as I stepped into Digital Lamb, I felt comfortable and at ease. Both Steve and Bex were so open and friendly – I can’t imagine them over working me at all. I know I might sound naive in thinking that.. but they were very understanding about me having to turn down their offer. Steve even gave me a list of advice as to how I should handle my work placement in Melbourne, when I find one. It still makes me so sad that I had to miss this opportunity. I don’t think any one really truly realises just how much. I guess I don’t allow it to show it much, what’s the point in bringing it up if it’s not going to happen?
I knew I was probably taking on more than I can handle with this opportunity.. but for the first time in my life, I actually dreamed bigger than something that’s comfortable. That’s how I felt anyway. It was definitely something that was scary and exciting at the same time, and eventually will lead me to where I want to be in the future. I understand that my family was just looking out for me, and it worries them a lot to have their youngest sister so far away from home.. But how can they judge and worry about me when half the time they don’t even spend time with me or Quang in Melbourne? We’re the ones who are always stuck at home, while everyone else is out. I don’t see how how it’s fair at all. Half the time (more like never), I don’t even get to see Thao – the one who had a lot to say about my work placement in Adelaide. She’s probably the one who least of all understands me, the one who believes I live in my own world. I really hate it whenever she says that. And Jenny – she’s the one who says I could possibly be a victim of employers overworking me … well has she even taken note how she treats me at the cafe? I work there, and I’m always doing the best I can – sometimes I don’t even take breaks. She treats me like crap, gets me to do things so she won’t have to do them and talks down on me whenever I make a mistake. I don’t see her doing that to anyone else. She says I don’t take my job at the cafe as seriously as my job at the newsagency – but the fact is, I don’t think she takes her own manger job at the cafe as seriously as she can. Mum still does most of her errands for the cafe, while she herself is out and about with Ben. How is that fair at all? I’m so sick of living in this house where nobody cares where everyone is. Everyone just walks in and out as they please – but when suddenly someone wants to leave, they all retaliate.
I know I might have sounded all jumbled up in this rant of mine.. and maybe it doesn’t even make sense. I’m just so frustrated every time I think about continuing to live in this house. I know I’m lucky to have such a comfortable lifestyle.. perhaps this is just a bump in the road that I have to surpass to get a move on with my life..

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